Changes

I am creeping up on 30....It is bothering me so much more than I anticipated. But not just in the ways I'd expect. Like wishing I had taught myself better eating habits or wish I had paid more attention in school.Those are obvious conclusions. But I am starting to think more on my impact in life. My desire to give to the world, to see the world and my place in it. I am noticing the waste my family and I create, also the waisted time doing things that aren't important. And mostly our desires as consumers. I feel my husband and I are really good at living for the moment and that is a great thing in that you enjoy your little moments and remember them. BUT we have often placed ourselves in after effects of our decisions when we could have planned better if we looked to the future more. I don't want to become some extreme version of myself living off nothing, saving every dime and never splurging on food or excitement. But I do want to make some simple changes in my life that just may affect my life in bigger ways than I even know. I'm really switching gears in my brain. I'm starting to worry more about my husband and my health more than ever before. I no longer just feel like I want to be the wife who has dinner ready and makes his lunches. I do that, but I also want to feed him mostly in ways that are meant to keep him healthy. Making that transition is so very very hard....Getting my husband on board is proving to be like getting a teenager to think an adult is right. He knows food can be unhealthy, and he knows we need to make changes, but he just wants me to do it all for him, and when I am struggling as much as I am myself... I really want him to join in my excitement to change ourselves for the better. I don't feel stuck in my life or anything like that, in fact I feel I have finally grown enough as a person to make change. I just don't know where to start. I definitely know it has to be baby steps. AND it has to be things we stick to. I'm sure some things we try will not work for us permanently, but in those cases I want to commit to trying to find another solution that will still improve our lives, health or finances. There r so many things I never finish. It makes my stomach hurt when I think about it. I think it is cause.....Well you know what....That is my problem right there. I think just cause there is a reason I am that way, that it makes it ok for me to feel it. And that is such bs excuse to keep being a lesser me. I have to do this. I have to make some changes. I'm excited but terrified at the same time. Mostly excited, I know my husband, I and our beautiful boy will be happy no matter what we do in our life, but changes still take some getting used to.
So what changes......I don't even know. ...I want to feed our souls more, I want to take more time out of the day to just learn. Learn about anything really, but just make my brain be working more. I hope to encourage us to make smarter eating habits. We love food, so no way , no how are we going to be eating diet food. But I'm hoping we can educate ourselves on what type of foods will help us to have energy and feel good, but still taste yummy. My son is 2 and a half and I feel like he is at a critical point. He is really starting to notice what mommy and daddy, eat and do all day. And I want him to want for so so so much more in life than playing on computers and being a lop (not that is all we do, but it's a chunk of it). The thoughts in my head about all this are endless, it is consuming me so much lately that I feel I have to move forward , like every part of me is telling me so. I have had a lot of really bad years in my first 30 on this earth. Over the last 5yrs or so my life has been getting better and better, I have become stronger and stronger as a woman and a person. I'm rethinking everything about what's important. Hope I can do this!!!